Confessions of A Stick In The Mud
by Red Witch
Summary: Scott does some thinking about how his life turned out. No wonder he's depressed.


**No X-Men characters are mine, so don't worry about me making any money off of this. I just thought I'd do a little rant from Scott's point of view. Again this could fit in to both Misfitverse and the regular series. **

**Confessions of A Stick In The Mud**

If one more person tells me to lighten up I am going to lose it.

And I don't mean the usual scream my head off and throw a few pieces of furniture around losing it. I mean blowing up walls, buildings and a several heads of the whiny brats that pose as teammates that I'm forced to baby sit losing it!

Yeah I fantasize beating up my teammates sometimes. What, it shocks you that I have feelings? That I can act **human?** Well I am human despite what all the protesters say, and I don't just mean the mutant haters!

I live in a mansion populated by insane hormonal teenagers with enough power to level the planet. I live in a town where people would either cross the street to avoid making contact with me or are looking to beat me to a pulp just for the fun of it. I live in a world that hates and fears me just because I have one gene different than everyone else's. If I'm not careful I could end up in a concentration camp, on a lab table and dead in **that order.**

And people wonder why I worry all the time?

It was hard enough before everyone knew our secret. Then I only had to worry about people finding out. Like **that** wasn't enough to give me stress! You have any idea how hard it is to keep mutant powers a secret? And not just my own, which was difficult enough. I would always catch Kitty accidentally phasing through a door at least once a week. And she's one of the good ones! I'm amazed she was only caught once! Fortunately the only time a teacher saw her do that happened to be drunk at the time. He quit the teaching profession. I think he's making baskets in Arizona now.

I know how he feels.

That's pretty much how I spent half my time at school, looking out for the other students. Covering for Kurt whenever his inducer failed. Getting Jean to calm down when her powers flared up so that she didn't accidentally rip out a blackboard. Making sure the guys didn't tease Rogue too much so that she wouldn't get into fights with them and accidentally put someone in a coma. Prying Evan's spikes out of the walls and shoving them in the trash. Trying to come up with a believable scientific excuse to why the teachers' bathroom was covered in ice. And that's not even **counting **all the times the Brotherhood was messing around or blowing something up.

No wonder I only got mostly B's in my classes! How could **anyone **study at all with all the insanity I had to put up with? Fortunately the Professor knew about it so he didn't hassle me too much about my grades. I think he was more concerned that I didn't let anyone tear the school down.

Fat lot of good that did in the end. THANKS A LOT ALVERS!

Most people find that once they reveal their secret to someone feel better, like a weight has been lifted off. Once we were all outed as mutants, I felt like a ten-ton boulder was attached to me. Everywhere I went people were pointing at me and staring at me like I grew three heads and was carrying the body of a dead goat in my arms. My teachers were always suspicious of what I was doing. They never directly accused me of cheating, but they certainly implied it. The jocks always were trying to pick a fight with me. People I thought were my friends turned their backs on me and the principal practically harassed me every day. There were even security guards in the parking lot waiting for me to even park an inch offside so they could tow my car.

And I couldn't lose it. Not for a freaking second. If it was just me that would get punished I would have gladly taken out the school. Hell I would have blown it up! It would be easy! But no…I had to not only think about my teammates, I had to try and be a freaking role model for future mutants everywhere.

Fat lot of good that did. THANKS A LOT MAGNETO!

My friends were the ones that got me through it. Including the ones that I sometimes want to kill. We all stuck by each other, especially Jean. I don't know what I would have done without her. She became my rock, the one thing that kept me sane through the whole ordeal. She was the one person I could complain to because she was going through the exact same thing I was.

Graduating from High School was the happiest feeling I had in a long time. All three seconds of it before Magneto interrupted and we ended up in a mess with Apocalypse.

I admit I don't feel happy very often. I'm too busy fighting for my life or putting up with some other kind of insanity for one thing. And grading papers isn't that much fun either.

Well, okay I admit there are some times when I enjoy it. Let's just say Bobby's stopped putting snow in my dresser once he found out how much it affected his grade.

I never thought I'd end up as a teacher. Leading the X-Men yeah, that's my life but teaching? Well the Professor needs help with all the new students. And it's not like I'm going to college or anything.

You probably think I'm missing out. Truth is I never really thought much about of going to college. Seriously. I mean I may be pretty good in class but I'm not crazy about taking them. And what would I do with myself outside of class and the library? And can you see me at some kind of frat party? Don't answer that. I've just had an image of myself in a toga blasting the Dean's house into rubble. Yeah that scares me too.

Maybe I am missing out on something, but to be honest here, if it weren't for the Professor I wouldn't have **anything**. I was an orphan. Let me rephrase that. I was an orphan with brain damage who had headaches. People weren't exactly lining up to take me into their homes. I thought by being good and not getting into trouble maybe someone would notice me and give me a chance. I longed for a family again. I had lost everything and I was desperate for someone, anyone to reach out to me.

Then shortly after I turned sixteen I had a huge headache. The next thing I knew I had blown off the roof of the orphanage. Then I got transferred to a hospital where I blew a huge hole in that roof. Yes I admit it; I blew up two buildings in one day.

I must have been alone in that hospital room for days with my eyes bandaged around my head. That was the scariest time in my life. Even more frightening than losing my parents and brother. Only three times did someone come into that room. Once for the doctor to tell me that the orphanage refused to take me back and that they could do nothing for my condition. The other two times an orderly came to give me some food with an escort with him. Probably a police officer. I don't know. They never really spoke to me.

No one spoke to me. That was terrifying. I felt like I had turned onto a monster overnight. I realized I had a terrible power. The power to destroy everything I saw. That's not a good feeling to say the least. I had nightmares about me being shipped off to some military base being a weapon.

And nobody would care what happened to me.

I really didn't have anything anymore. Not even the orphanage and that's a pretty low feeling. Then Xavier took me in and gave me hope, something I hadn't had in a long time. Within a day I went from having nothing to having a home, my eyesight back, somebody to teach me and a car. A car! As a kid I dreamed of having a car.

Yes I can be shallow too on occasion. But come on, what kid doesn't dream of getting a cool car for his very own?

Obviously it was a lot more than that. I mean being able to see without killing anyone comes right at the top of the list. I don't mind seeing only red. Compared to never seeing **anything** at all ever again, I think I'm pretty lucky.

That's why I'm so loyal to the Professor I guess. He gave me more than material things. He gave me more than my eyesight. He gave me back my self-esteem, my hope. He gave me a reason to live. Most of all...He gave me a family. And odd destructive family but a family nonetheless.

Besides can you honestly tell me that a dream of people living together in peace is a **bad **thing? Helping people with my powers gives me a feeling I can't describe. Like I'm more than just a weapon. I'm making a difference in the world.

This is what works for me now. I have to keep it cool. I have to control my emotions. I have to be an example for the others and the world. Because if I don't I may end up **killing them all!** I mean it. If Drake doesn't quit it with the snowbanks in my shorts I am going to…

I know he does it because I'm such an easy target. And the worst part is I know I make myself an easy target. Maybe I get riled up about these things in order to distract myself from what's going on in the world. Being hunted down and locked in a cage scares me to death. Like I'm back in that hospital room, helpless and alone all over again.

Yeah it ticks me off that most people aren't even willing to give mutants a chance. I mean who wouldn't get discouraged in the face of prejudice and oppression. But I can't hate humanity no matter how much they hate and fear us.

Because I know what it's like to be that scared.

So I try my best to be patient. Living here I need all the patience I can get.

What's the alternative? Blowing cities up and killing people? No, I don't want to be like that. I never want to be like that.

Besides, somebody's gotta watch out for my team. Like it or not, they need me as much as I need them. And right now they need a fire extinguisher or two dozen. I told the New Mutants not to fool around in Ororo's garden. Oh boy, she's really mad now…

I wonder if I could find the number of that place in Arizona? Maybe they have a basket-making course.


End file.
